"The differences between the verbally abusive man and the physical batterer are not as great as many people believe"(Bancroft 8).
When You Keep Hoping and Thinking He'll Change
When being in love means putting up with his relentless name-calling, you are involved with the verbally abusive man.
When most of your comments are edited, in fear of how he might respond, you are involved with the verbally abusive man.
When you excuse his erratic temper, permit his put-downs, or endure his version of the “silent treatment”, you are involved with the verbally abusive man.
When you believe that you can work with him to somehow change his behavior with the hope that he will treat you with respect, you are involved with the verbally abusive man.
When you have come to believe that you are truly all of the terrible things he has called you, including ugly, fat, selfish or stupid, you are involved with the verbally abusive man.
And when his name-calling has caused you to risk your emotional and physical health, or you have come to hate yourself, then you are absolutely involved with the verbally abusive man.
http://www.enotalone.com/article/2892.html
I chose Chapter 6 because so much of the information resonates with me personally. It made me think about how so many women, myself included, cling to the "good periods" and how these times in which the abusive partner is seemingly being kind, loving, helpful, and supportive are really just a means to prolong the relationship and his power over it and the abused. If anyone reading this has ever seen the movie "A Bee Movie" there is a sequence in which the bee runs into a window and says, "what was that?". He then keeps running into the glass saying, "maybe this time, maybe this time" only to be knocked back down with each attempt to get through it. That is how I view many womens' responses to holding on and holding out when the abusive behavior continues to follow the pattern associated with verbal abuse.
I chose Chapter 6 because so much of the information resonates with me personally. It made me think about how so many women, myself included, cling to the "good periods" and how these times in which the abusive partner is seemingly being kind, loving, helpful, and supportive are really just a means to prolong the relationship and his power over it and the abused. If anyone reading this has ever seen the movie "A Bee Movie" there is a sequence in which the bee runs into a window and says, "what was that?". He then keeps running into the glass saying, "maybe this time, maybe this time" only to be knocked back down with each attempt to get through it. That is how I view many womens' responses to holding on and holding out when the abusive behavior continues to follow the pattern associated with verbal abuse.
WEB RESOURCES:
1. http://www.verbalabuse.com/
This site was relevant to me insofar as how it related to Chapter 6 because it validated much of the information provided regarding "control tactics" and how verbal abuse is one of the ways that an abuser "turns reality on its head"(pg. 142).
This site was relevant to me insofar as how it related to Chapter 6 because it validated much of the information provided regarding "control tactics" and how verbal abuse is one of the ways that an abuser "turns reality on its head"(pg. 142).
The information presented through About.com is listed under Divorce Support, but I felt it was important and coincided with "The Abusive Man in Relationships" because verbal abuse, according to Bancroft is a means to "discredit your perspective, especially your grievances"(pg. 146) and this site discusses how "Verbal abusers love to use constructive criticism to beat a spouse down" which is never or at least should not be viewed as acceptable behavior .
JOURNAL RESOURCE:
JOURNAL RESOURCE:
Your own need for satisfaction;
To feel wanted,
To feel needed.
You need me.
You want me to need you,
So you need me.
But you can go unhurt,Turn away,
Deny it all:
That’s not the way you feel.
Not about me.
Never about me.
You don’t want me.
So turn to another
Convince them they want you
And I’m discarded.
I may attempt escape,
Protection for myself,
Self preservation,
But you know it feels good to me.
I’m easily convinced.
Easily led astray.
So those looks,
Those comments,
Those touches
Stoke the embers,
And the passion is rekindled.
You need me.
But you don’t want me.
It burns me.
The cooling remission is slow to seep through,
But by that time Will you need me again?
To feel wanted,
To feel needed.
You need me.
You want me to need you,
So you need me.
But you can go unhurt,Turn away,
Deny it all:
That’s not the way you feel.
Not about me.
Never about me.
You don’t want me.
So turn to another
Convince them they want you
And I’m discarded.
I may attempt escape,
Protection for myself,
Self preservation,
But you know it feels good to me.
I’m easily convinced.
Easily led astray.
So those looks,
Those comments,
Those touches
Stoke the embers,
And the passion is rekindled.
You need me.
But you don’t want me.
It burns me.
The cooling remission is slow to seep through,
But by that time Will you need me again?
